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| Vonnie Adams and Merryman Kemp frequently speak to groups, raising awareness about domestic violence — and raising the spirits of those stuggling to escape their abusers. |
It’s an issue that’s difficult to digest if we haven’t experienced it firsthand or through a family member or friend. The thing is, we probably have. In Kentucky alone, one in three women are, or will be, a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime. One in three.
“I don’t know of any epidemic that affects every race, every income level and every religion like domestic violence,” says Vonnie Adams, the center’s lovely executive director. Adams and her staff house more than 300 women and children — and occasionally men — annually.
Along with a safe roof over their heads and food in the communal kitchen, the staff provides counseling and classes on money management, child-rearing, anger management and depression. Their goal is to instill a sense of worth, pride, hope and confidence in their clients so that the women can create independent and happy lives for themselves and their children.
Often it works. Adams is confident that, over the years, hundreds of local women have escaped their abusive situations thanks to Merryman House and other supportive organizations.
Other times, it doesn’t. Most victims return to their abusers multiple times before they’re convinced — often brutally — that nothing is going to change. Others never leave. And for many, that decision is tragic. Nationally, 1,000 women and children lose their lives to domestic violence each year. Last year, 19 of those were in Kentucky, including one in McCracken County, one in Marshall County and one in Fulton.
From Secret Safe Houses to Permanent Safe Haven
Domestic violence was often kept a shameful secret until the 1970s Women’s Movement brought attention to what was going on behind those closed doors.
In 1975, Merryman Kemp and several Paducah Junior College women’s studies classmates formed Women Aware to tackle legislative issues, raise awareness and serve as a community resource regarding issues that directly affect women and indirectly affect us all.
When Kemp heard about a woman who wanted to leave her abusive husband but had nowhere to go, Women Aware immediately formed a network of “safe houses” across the city. The group sheltered hundreds of survivors for several years while Kemp searched for property to serve as a permanent safe haven.
If you’re wondering about the earlier one-in-three statistic, Kemp is one of the “ones.” Her first husband, who lives in Florida, physically abused her, and when she became pregnant with their son, the abuse escalated.
“You think the opposite would happen, but in fact, it gets worse,” Kemp says. “I didn’t want my son to grow up and one day think he had to step between me and his father. So I took my child and left. But I had marketable skills. Many women in this situation do not. And that makes it more difficult for them to leave.”
In 1992, Kemp found the property she was looking for — a beautiful, secluded home surrounded by a large yard and tall trees. The local Plumbers and Steamfitters Union helped Women Aware purchase the home and even helped the group move in. Public and private funding allowed for the hiring of trained staff. And after a series of name changes, in 1996 the organization renamed itself in honor of Kemp.
Expansion And Education Continue
Today, the Merryman House organization owns the home outright. Sadly, it’s filled to the brim. Adams recently had to transform the basement recreation room into a bunk-style dorm to add more beds. Some nights the house is so full that people sleep on floors and couches.
The staff plans to build several transitional homes on-site to house those ready to take another step forward toward independent living and to free up space for newcomers. And Adams and Kemp both welcome opportunities to speak out against domestic violence.
“Many people often have a hard time sympathizing with victims of domestic abuse,” Kemp says. “They often ask, ‘Why doesn’t she leave?’ What they should ask is, ‘Why does he think it’s OK to hurt her?’ Or if it’s a woman abuser, 'Why does she think it’s OK to hurt him?’
“You keep thinking that the youngsters coming along are raised to be non-violent and that they would demand proper treatment and respect,“ Kemp continues. “But just the other night a young woman who told me she’s engaged to someone who’s jealous — someone who has hit her. And she’s still going forward with her plans to marry him.”
And, until we insist that violent people stop what they’re doing, the Merryman House will be here to help save the lives of that young woman and many others.
The Merryman House is a phone call away, 24 hours a day, seven days a week: 270.443.6001.
Scenes from Clean-Up Day, October 20
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| Facilites Manager Tammie Lynne brightens up the kitchen. |
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| Adult Services Associate Director Tina Hollowell is thrilled with the new basement flooring. |
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| Outreach Advocate Tiki Derrickson adds fresh paint to one of the bedrooms. |
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| Volunteer Devonne Miller becomes acquainted with a power drill. |
