By Rise up and claim the box offices my friends — for this is the summer of the nerd. This summer alone welcomes the release of 12 movie opportunities to get your nerd on.
Get Smart: June 20 ReleaseThe Cold War was a tense period in history in this country. One of the best ways to deal with that kind of tension is to mercilessly mock it. Buck Henry and Mel Brooks understood this, and in 1965 they unveiled Get Smart, a TV parody of the Cold War featuring klutzy spy Maxwell Smart.
June 20 sees the release of the film adaptation of the show, starring Steve Carell as Maxwell Smart and Anne Hathaway as his sexy and exponentially more competent partner, Agent 99. The film is rated PG-13 for some rude humor, action violence and language.
Imagine James Bond meets Michael Scott from NBC's The Office. Got that image in your head? That's Maxwell Smart. Carell is one of the only actors who could do the part justice. Expect a ton of little gags, like the ever-malfunctioning Cone of Silence and Smart's infamous shoe-phone.
Wanted: June 27 ReleaseThings get a little darker on June 27. The adaptation of the comic book miniseries Wanted, penned by Mark Millar, hits theaters with a bang. Adrenaline-fueled action will be the order of the day. Car stunts, gunfights, improbable physics and the rise of a nerd to pure BAMF-ery, this film has it all. Oh, and Angelina Jolie. What's not to love?
Wanted is rated R for strong bloody violence throughout, pervasive language and some sexuality. The movie is directed by Timur Bekmambetov, director of the Russian films Night Watch and Day Watch. (The third in the trilogy is out soon.) If you were a fan of those movies, this will be similar.
Hancock: July 2 ReleaseWhat would the world be like if super powers were real? What would be the consequences of a guy who could fly and bench press a metro bus? The movie Hancock looks at these questions. Will Smith stars as the titular character, a homeless man with the powers all kids wish they had. He has trouble with his powers as he causes massive destruction every time he tries to help.
The film features his attempt to crawl into everyone's good graces. The film is not yet rated. Jason Bateman of TV's Arrested Development co-stars. There is nothing about this movie that you shouldn't love.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army: July 11 ReleaseRemember the movie Hellboy? Ron Perlman? Red suit, filed-down horns, big red fist? There were Nazis and monsters. You remember. Well, the sequel is out July 11. Ron Perlman reprises his role as the hard-hitting Hellboy. Monsters, big fights and that woman who burns blue — they all return. The action will be broken up by some scenes of Hellboy trying to domesticate. Good times for all. The film is not yet rated.
The Dark Knight: July 18 Release This is the film that nerds around the country are already salivating over. The sequel to Batman Begins, the best reset in movie history. Christopher Nolan's new Batman flick, The Dark Knight, debuts July 18.
There was only one thing that Batman Begins needed to be the perfect Batman movie: The Joker. The Joker is like the anti-Batman. He's maniacal and completely psychopathic, yet in his own way he is a genius. He has run the gamut, from mostly harmless prankster to cold-blooded killer. He is returning to the big screen this summer. Heath Ledger's depiction of the Joker will probably go down in Bat-history.
When Jack Nicholson played The Joker in Tim Burton's Batman film, he had a lasting impact on the character as portrayed in the comics. It isn't a stretch to imagine the same thing happening here. In fact, at least as far as marketing is concerned, The Joker overshadows the Batman in this film.
The film is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and some menace. That's right, The Joker is so menacing, he influenced the movie rating!
This is just like Indiana Jones, but more so. Miss this movie and you lose nerd privileges for life. Miss this movie and you are dead to the nerd community. We will shun you. You've been warned.
The X-Files: I Want to Believe: July 25 Release Finally, July 25 sees the last nerd movie of the summer. The X-Files: I Want to Believe. Almost nothing is known about this movie at this point. It is going to be set six years after the end of the series and Mulder and Sculley will be there. Beyond that, mum's the word. Is it going to be good? Probably not. Will we nerds flock to it as though it were holy? Probably.
This is our summer, nerds. Go forth and spend a ton of money!
And Don't Miss These Already-Released Nerd Movies
You still might catch these in theaters this summer — or just add them to your Netflix or downloads list:
Iron ManRobert Downey Jr. brings Tony Stark from the pages of the funny books to the big screen. Fans of Iron Man will be pleased to see an older version of the character without any of his recent unpleasantness — no unethical cloning, no ordering hits and no firing the Hulk into space. The film features Stark's stunning transformation into a Super Hero with a heart of lithium. Iron Man shattered box office records, falling just shy of the original Spider-Man film. Catch it while you can.
Speed RacerThis film is an adaptation of the first anime to make it big in the United States. The film chronicles the adventures of young Speed Racer, a racer in a dystopian future. The film stars Emile Hirsch, Christina Ricci and Matthew Fox. It is directed by the Wachowski Brothers of Matrix fame. It relies on heavy, action-charged race scenes and a few scattered fights. It's rated PG for action, some violence, language and brief smoking. This film is an otaku must-see.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince CaspianA sequel to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, the film features the same cast as in the first adaptation of the C.S. Lewis classic book series. The first film proved popular enough to warrant a summer release of the sequel. Set one year after the events of the first film, Prince Caspian features the Pevensie children's return to Narnia only to discover that 1,300 years have flown by. They must help young Prince Caspian reclaim his throne. The film is rated PG for epic battle action and violence. This one is for a different sort of nerd. If Lord of the Rings was your thing, you'll probably enjoy Caspian.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal SkullThis film picks up in 1957 during the Cold War. Harrison Ford reprises his role as rough and ready archaeologist Indiana Jones. Indy travels back to Marshall College only to be asked to leave. As he makes his way out of town, he encounters young tough Mutt (Shia LeBeouf) and together the two set out on a whirlwind adventure with plenty of fights, stunts and whip-work. This film is rated PG-13 for adventure violence and scary images. If you skip this one, then you automatically lose nerd privileges. This is not a joke. Indiana Jones is the coolest nerd in the world. And Marion Ravenswood (Karen Allen) is as hot as ever. If you don't go see this movie you can drop your pocket protector off at my office. Pending a hearing, you may be reinstated.
The Incredible HulkMarvel does what it does best: Hit the reset button. In The Incredible Hulk, Edward Norton stars as the brilliant but unstable Doctor Bruce Banner. Banner is desperately searching for a cure to his gamma-induced condition, forced to flee the shadowy government forces after him. Eventually, Emile Blonsky (Tim Roth) arrives on scene to hunt the Hulk. To level the playing field, Blonsky subjects himself to horrific experiments and becomes the monstrous Abomination. The film is rated PG-13 for intense action violence, some frightening sci-fi images and brief suggestive content. Nobody is saying that Ang Lee's vision of the Hulk was a bad movie. Nobody is suggesting that it was terribly boring. All they are saying is that perhaps they can make a better Hulk film. Here's hoping that they can. Be sure to keep an eye out for a Robert Downey Jr. in a Tony Stark cameo.
The Happening This is the latest project from acclaimed director M. Night Shyamalan. You know, the guy who did that movie about the kid who sees dead people. Oh, and the one where Bruce Willis was a super hero. Also the one about aliens, the one about a remote village and one that was possibly about mermaids. His newest project, given the ominous title The Happening, stars Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel and John Leguizamo. Not much information is currently available due to Shyamalan's secretive nature and propensity for insane plot twists. All that is known is the film centers on a family running from a crisis that poses a threat to humanity. This film is not yet rated. If you don't catch this one, nobody will hold it against you. Shyamalan's last two films have left audiences wanting. Casting Marky Mark Wahlberg may be a good move, though.
